Wet behind the ears? Me, never. Why I have to be kicked outside whenever nature calls is way beyond me, especially when the boss's office is so warm and toasty.

Instead I get ushered outside to find a tree in the pouring rain and cold when the jolly twoleggers get to stay warm and dry and even get to sit on a throne.
Now I am putting in an official recommendation that the boss goes out to one of the fine garden centres advertising on these pages and purchases one of those miniature trees, so we can put it in the garage with a little carpet so my paws do not get cold. Then, when I need to go through the motions, I would have all the comforts that the twoleggers have, and I will be at peace with the world.
Oops the boss has just mentioned something about cleaning up after myself, well all I can say is that's his job. If it's good enough for me to hurtle myself around the mud flats in the freezing cold, all for the sake of his enjoyment, he can at least clean up after me.
Unfortunately, I am getting the evil eye from the man in charge and my suggestion does not seem to be getting that well received.
I think he was just a little put out the other day when he took me for a stroll and I had an uncontrollable urge to let one rip, which much to his embarrassment occurred at a rather busy intersection at a rather busy time of the day. All I can say in my defence is when a dog has got to go, this dog has really got to go.
So get over it boss, and go fetch that tree.
Now on to my favourite time of the week, waxing lyrical about my mate Johnny the Aussie Butcher's meat.
He was telling me the other day that his shop now has a great selection of 'free range” goodies and has on special this week, free range bacon, so get on down there and see him.

Muffuletta sub sandwich

Ingredients
1 cup black olives, drained
1 cup pimiento-stuffed green olives, drained
1 jar (170g) artichoke hearts in oil, drained, oil reserved
½ tsp garlic salt
½ cup mayonnaise
6 sub rolls
Leg ham, sliced
Salami, thinly sliced
Tasty cheese (or any flavour), thinly sliced

Method
Chop the black and green olives and artichoke hearts in a food processor. Add garlic salt and mayonnaise and process until smooth, adding artichoke oil as necessary to make the mixture spreadable. Split the sub rolls and spread both sides with olive mixture. Evenly layer meats and cheese on rolls. Wrap each roll in aluminium foil and bake at low heat (approximately 95C) for 30 minutes. Makes six sandwiches. Well my good folks, that is all from me for another week, and make sure you keep warm and dry, which is what I am trying to do, but with the apprentice kicking me off his bed and the boss making me go outside for relief, it seems I am fighting the world, when all I really really want is a little comfort in my advancing years.
See ya all next week.