Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

The big news this week is that us residents of the Bay have apparently been showering together to save money.

This came as quite a shock to me as I hadn't noticed the rest of you in the shower cubicle.

'BOP residents showering together to save money” was the headline on the survey results this week. Now I spend some of the time with my eyes closed to stop the shampoo stinging, but I'm pretty sure I would have, at some stage, noticed signs I wasn't alone in the shower.

Especially with an estimated 140,000 or so residents clambering in to save power and water.

It's not like anyone was passing the soap or getting friendly with the loofah... And you'd think, that out of all the residents of the Western Bay, there would at least be someone singing. I listened intently this morning and didn't even notice a whistle or hum.

So I think this survey result could be flawed, because there is very little sign that we've all been showering together.

The only explanation could be this.

The same survey found that 25 per cent of Kiwis don't shower every day, and some share a bath to save water, so I'm guessing you've all been piling into the tub together at the time I've been showering. Good on you. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

More of a concern is the state of the toothpaste. Some of you, who have been sharing the bathroom while I'm not looking, have been plastering toothpaste all over the show.

Your teeth must be suffering because it seems very little of the toothpaste has made it past the porcelain and actually onto your toothbrush.

Apparently 10 per cent of those questioned in the Rinnai bathroom survey reported similar toothpaste carnage. There was the usual nonsense about whether toilet seats were up or down, but really, no-one cares any more. If it's down and you want it up, change it. If it's up and you want it down, bad luck. Get over it or fix it yourself. Take a leaf from the RR Politically Incorrect Guerrilla Bathroom Guide: Leave the seat in any way that is guaranteed to annoy the next user.

And turn over the toilet roll. Better still, hide it.

This whole shower time fuss has brought back a recurring nightmare from nearly a decade past. A time when Helen Clarke ruled the World of Bathroom Water Use, and tried to tell us to shorten our showers.



I awake often in the night, shaking in a cold sweat, certain I've heard the screeching tyres of a Diplomatic Protection Squad car and a long, black limo racing into the driveway; feeling the Cold Hand of Power reaching onto my soapy shoulder in the shower cubicle... and Helen's face appearing around the side of the shower curtain...

'You've used enough water now, Brian! Would you like me to scrub your back?”

Forest bathing

For years we've been in the habit of staggering around in the bush, whether it be for pest control, fixing broken water supply lines or simply getting to the neighbours' place in time for happy hour.

Only this week did we find out, we've inadvertently been part of a posh fad.

Forest Bathing, as it is now known, is the intricate art of walking in the bush.

Eating seaweed seems to be another wacko health fad that is gaining popularity. Personally, I thought it was the fishes' job to eat the seaweed; then we eat the fish.

I cannot see the point of cutting out the middle man, doing the fish out of a job. The only other use for seaweed is for fertilising the vege garden and fruit trees. Why you'd start cutting corners and putting it straight down your throat is a mystery to me.

Apparently, it is a very hip

thing to do, along with drinking Bone Broth. To us mere mortals, that is the product of boiling bones to extract the goodness and serving as a soup.

Of course grandma would have called it stock, but let's not deflate the egos of the trendy brigade who think they invented something new.

Fact is, our parents and ancestors have been boiling the crap out of dead animal remains for centuries and certainly understood the health benefits.

Why we need some swanky big city big noters to attach fancy-schmancy new labels to everything is beyond me.

In the meantime, in the interests of health, I shall continue to use seaweed for fertiliser and indulge in Forest Bathing while pursuing tasty animals for the purpose of Bone Brothing.

Pigeon Appreciation Paragraph

And while we're Forest Bathing, we might be lucky enough to see kereru, if there's any left. Here's a great photo by my neighbour Alan.

It's one that Sonny missed.


brian@thesun.co.nz

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