Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

This week we have a planetary theme orbiting your favourite Sun column. Because there's a probe venturing closer to Pluto than ever before and the astronomical community is over the moon about it. Not surprising, since Pluto has five moons.

We wish to make it clear that we have carefully avoided any crass jokes involving the probe and the possibility of it nearing Uranus.

New Horizons has flown by the dwarf planet Pluto and is sending data to NASA. Or at least that's what NASA tells us. It could be faked, of course, in keeping with the space agency's ancient customs.

We're expecting a message any day now from the Plutonians, advising New Horizons permission to land... on two proviso:

1. Don't let slip what happens on ‘Game of Thrones' (they're a series behind us).

2. Donald Trump isn't on board.

NASA will also be expected to provide a satisfactory explanation as to why Earthlings belittle their planet, even denouncing its status for years, then the final insult: Naming it a Disney cartoon character.

The planet could have been named after a yummy chocolate bar, or even our God of the Sea.

Our best line of defence to the Plutonians is probably:

'Well at least we didn't call you Goofy”.

Meanwhile, a delegation from Uranus will say they'll happily accept that instead.

And NASA is trying to word a memo to Trump, breaking the news to him that Pluto won't take him and advising a change of destination. So far they've only got the subject line: Donald Trump, Head up: Uranus.

Lunacy lessons
Other news that is ‘out of this world' includes the story of a NZ school teacher busted running his own business and buying a house, from the classroom.

He got away with a censure from the Teachers' Disciplinary Tribunal, which has angered the school principal, who has criticised the tribunal for being too lenient.

The teacher already had a criminal conviction for falsifying a taxi log book; then was caught in the classroom, managing his family cleaning business, altering a car registration to appear legit when it had actually been expired for two years; and using school computers and gear to do personal business, accountancy and real estate deals... all during class lesson time.

Has he learnt a lesson? Not according to the principal. Has the tribunal? Clearly not. This
waste-of-space teacher should have been kicked into orbit. Revoke his teaching certificate.

No wonder some of our children are struggling to learn, if this is the shameful standard the Teachers' Disciplinary Tribunal will have us put up with. It's an insult to the many excellent teachers out there who strive to do the best for their students.

Extra universe
The Large Hadron Collider has apparently made some more revelations about the universe, plus the potential existence of a dark and mysterious ‘other' unseen universe.

Scientists also say it has proved the existence of particles made of five quarks, which they say ends 50 years of speculation about the itty squitty bits of matter.

These quarks apparently are the ingredients of sub-atomic particles and scientists knew about three and four quark stuff, but only ever theorised about the pentaquark. So now you can rest easy, knowing that it has finally been found. I know I will.

They're now moving onto solve another mystery of the universe: What to do with Gareth Morgan.

Chinese burn
The Chinese have been taking a fair bit of flak from some incredibly racist politicians, claiming they're all to blame for Auckland's property price inflation.

The country sunk to new lows of racism this week, with certain political interests trying to finger the Chinese for the boom; based on dubious statistics that suggest 40 per cent of home buyers' names sound a bit Chinese.

That's as bad as announcing anyone riding a motorbike is a gang member and therefore
a criminal.

It is time the country stopped foreign investment... from all overseas buyers, not just the ones with Asian names. No residency, no ownership.

That includes the Australians wanting to buy state houses. But for goodness sake, stop whipping the Chinese just because their names and faces look a bit different. That is blatantly racist.

Making the assumption that any house purchaser with a Chinese-sounding name is a rich, ruthless overseas investor, is simply wong.

brian@thesun.co.nz