Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Here's a mind-numbing fact to end your week: today is National Anaesthesia Day. It promises to be a real knock-out.

It seems every day is a national day of something. We should reserve a Day of Nothing Special, while there are still some available.

One thing is sure, you don't need anaesthetic to become comatose these days... one mention of the flag debate and most people keel over into a state of delirium.

The electoral commission is now wasting a whole lot of taxpayer money and sent us a press release about the latest happenings. We won't be passing it on. We've decided to save our readers the agony.

When the organisers of this flag screw up spend more than $26m, on an issue of national identity, none of it with NZ-owned media companies, then they have the audacity to expect local media to run their free PR for nothing, it does not excite my feelings of national pride.

It's clear the majority of folk still don't want a new flag, with about 80 per cent happy with the current version and the entire process of finding a new one a complete waste of time and money – let's instead focus on the old one.

Let's not kid ourselves any longer, John Key. The country is not swayed by the
five so-called options. They're never going to fly. There is no point in carrying on this expensive charade of voting on a challenger, when a challenger isn't going to topple the old flag.

It just needs a tart up. The Rogers Re-design.

With a quick makeover, we can have a new look for the old flag... Enlarge the Southern Cross stars to funk it up.

This achieves several key objectives:

1. The stars are more of a focus and Jack takes a step back; more in keeping with the lessened colonial influence of this independent country, but still a nod to our roots.

2. Significantly larger stars clearly differentiates us from Australia.

3. A kid can still draw it.

4. The new look can be phased in, as the old flags wear out, therefore costing less to changeover.

5. Those who fought and died under the flag are still honoured. It has merely been updated for modern times.

6. It keeps everyone happy.

Those who don't want to change the flag win; those who don't like the current one, also achieve a result by getting change.

Here at the Sun, we have already resigned ourselves to accept that the old flag will prevail, and suggest it gets a wee makeover. It's still the same flag, just a bit more funked up. And, of course, it will include the Truple Stars.

Here's some suggestions the Sun Creative studio:



And several readers have expressed concern about Red Peak, sending this image:


Name the flag

The second major thing needed for the flag is a name. Christen it with a title that clearly describes it, other than ‘the flag'. USA has the Stars & Stripes, Canada, the maple leaf. Britain the Union Jack. France the tricolour.

To bond with our new old flag, it needs a snazzy nickname, so we can feel love, get some attachment and fondness.

We're opening the Rabbit ears to your suggestions here. Flick us some ideas for a name we can affectionately use for our flag and we'll share with readers.

Parting thought

There's a glimmer of hope that Englishmen can still run onto the field in a final of the Rugby World Cup. They're still going to need a ref and a couple of linesmen.

Parting shot

Biosecurity Breach: Another serious failure of NZ's border controls, Justin Bieber got into the country again.

Frozen Chook craze draws poultry posers

Frozen Chicken is the new craze sweeping the country.

For those who haven't caught up, or perhaps are too busy celebrating anaesthesia day, the Frozen Chicken is a posture (similar to planking) in which the Frozen Chickenee curls up, naked, in a plucked poultry pose, and is photographed. Apparently it's important to make sure your wings are tucked in well. I'd also recommend ensuring your stuffing is not protruding.

There are rumours that this crazy antic started in NZ. The first Frozen Chicken poses appeared on the interweb and many of the backdrops are NZ scenes.

It doesn't surprise me, Kiwis are world leaders in groundbreaking useful behaviour, such as pulling wooden bumble bees with wheels and blowing on pies. Why wouldn't we create a constructive pastime, such as posing naked to imitate a raw plucked chook?

Here at RR Headquarters we immediately decided to research the Frozen Chicken poses, purely for the sake of illustrating the new craze.

Unfortunately some of the images looked more like an obese Crozier's Christmas Turkey. Then things went out of the control when the postman arrived and tried to park his bicycle...

Our portly model may now enter the Wearable Art Awards, as ‘Human Bike Rack'.