Gwyn Brown Deputy Rabbit www.sunlive.co.nz

It's Labour Weekend and the official start of summer beach and boating season. It's also the start of Sharks Scaring People Season, or at least that's how some sectors of the media play it. Some papers will soon be a feeding frenzy of shark sightings and supposed near misses.

This week we welcome guest Rabbitting columnist Gwyn Brown, knowledgeable funny guy and owner of the new Tauranga Dive shop at Sulphur Point. Gwyn's column this week sinks a few myths about sharks and their appetite for making the news and not eating people.

Did you know there is a name for the fear of being eaten alive?

It's called Phagophobia.

And did you know Tapheselachophobia is the fear of being buried alive... with a shark... seriously, what are the odds? About as high as you being able to pronounce it the first time. I know you read it twice.

How about this one: Deipnoselachophobia, the fear of having dinner conversations with a shark. No seriously it is. And what about Contreltotapheselachophobia, which is the fear of being ‘interfered with' by a shark, while being buried alive with it.

I mean, come on – who has this condition? And worse, who treats it and then gives it a name? There are some seriously messed up things in this world.

I'm writing about this because we had yet another person come into the shop and say ‘I'm not learning to dive, I'll get eaten by a shark.' No, you won't.

What are the odds of being eaten by a shark? It turns out not that high. Personally, I would rather have a dinner conversation with a shark than be eaten by one. All my life I have waited to put that statement into a sentence, bet you haven't yet.

Living daylights

In 1975 Steven Spielberg made a movie called ‘Jaws'. It scared the living daylights out of everyone, although by today's standards it's pretty tame. But what it did do, apart from spawn some pretty awful sequels (Not ‘Jaws 2', that was awesome), was start a worldwide fear of being eaten by sharks. While sharks do eat people, they are way, way down the list of deadly man or woman killers.

The number-one killer animal in the world is... the humble mosquito. About 750,000 people die from them every year. Frightening, isn't it? One child every minute of every day in Africa, mainly from malaria, and yet people are more interested in Kim Kardashian. If you are, you're an idiot.

Humans make the list at number two... no surprises there. I imagine ‘death by university shooting' will have its own category before long. What on earth is wrong with the US – can't they see what the rest of the world sees?

Snakes are number three, up to 50,000 deaths in a good a year. And of the top 10 most deadly snakes, eight of them reside in Australia. I have a suggestion for their
new flag...

Eat my slippers

Next is man's best friend. Yep, 25,000 people die from dog bites every year, although to be fair last year only 34 died from the actual bite. The rest were from contracting rabies, which, by the way, is entirely preventable. Go figure, maybe we should just let them chew our slippers.

Crocodiles are in the top 10, as well as tapeworms, parasitic snails and the assassin bug. None of which kill anybody in NZ, thank goodness.

About 500 people a year are killed by hippos, although some researchers put the number much higher at 2900. More than the three per cent plus/minus error margin there, I think. Another 100 die from being eaten by lions and another 100 are trampled to death by elephants. Not eaten, as elephants are herbivores, so thank goodness, no phagophobia here. Anybody want to name a phobia for being trampled to death by an elephant and then eaten by a lion? Unluckyaphobia?

Bizarrely, 10 people a year are eaten by wolves. Not sure if wolves should beef out the dog statistic, but in the end I left them here as the domestic pug is probably far enough away genetically to be separate. Ok, I made that bit up, I don't really know if any deaths were attributed to a pug, so relax all you pug owners. But, you know they have that crazy eyes stare, probably plotting something in between the wheezing. The mother-in-law's corgi has the same stare, come to mention it.

Low on food chain

In any given year between 6000 and 24,000 people die from being struck by lightning, 53 by bees and last year 22 people were killed by cows in the USA alone. They were probably too far from the universities.

Finally, we arrive at the humble shark, almost at the bottom of the list of animals that kill humans. And you have to be in the water. Only 10 deaths a year, on average. Statistically speaking, you have just as much chance of being eaten by a wolf (Still can't get over that one).

So, what does it all mean? Well, living in Africa is still tough, as all our new South African friends in Tauranga can testify (I have to be a little careful here as my favourite niece married one). And Australia is the most poisonous snake-infested country, including the snakes. But dying from a shark bite, it's statistically hard to achieve.

You know what, being afraid of sharks, I think it really comes down to the media. We sensationalise things that make money and ignore the real tragedies, such as the plight of the Africans and all those wolf victims... not a single mention.

OMG... is that a new Kardashian handbag, better Twitter/Facebook that.

Gwyn Brown, Tauranga Dive

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brian@thesun.co.nz