Dive Right In with Gwyn Brown from Tauranga Dive

That quaint US ceremony known to some as Valentine's Day will soon be upon us all. Of course, it's also known as ‘No-one gave me anything' Day, or ‘Spend extra money to show you love me' Day, because ‘It's okay to buy me stuff on any other day but if you don't buy me something on Valentine's Day you're in trouble' Day.

Or how about ‘Ratchet up the price of roses' Day because ‘Roses brought on any other day don't mean as much' Day.

Valentine's Day is an important ceremony in our family; it says so in my relationship agreement, under section 2, page 37, important ceremonies that incur allowance expenses.

It was also great to have some feedback on the ‘Sensing Stupidity' article we did.

I predicted that would happen.

From a doctor of religious studies too. I never got a doctorate myself, although on Valentine's Day I tell the wife I have a doctorate of love. They're probably similar.

I know I spent a lot of time studying for it. So I guess I stand corrected, all psychics and faith healers must be kosher.

And Dr Priest (Best name ever for a Dr of religious studies) I agree with you that it's not a psychic's job to find all the missing bodies; that is clearly the job of the police. But it would be good if they could lend a hand don't you think?

If I were to be horribly murdered (and the more of these articles I write, the more likely that is to happen) and communicating with a psychic, I think I would tell them where I was so my hopefully grieving wife could have some resolution.

Would be nice if they passed that on, seeing as my wife isn't a psychic herself – although I do have my suspicions.

She certainly seems to find my missing tools easily enough when I can't, and the other day she found my favourite ‘Star Wars' T-shirt. It was in my T-shirt draw, strangely enough, right in front of me. I now suspect that she has some kind of telekinesis power too because it only appeared when she pointed at it.

People pay good money to see stuff like that, I know I did under the terms of our relationship agreement, section 3, page 78, the cost of finding anything misplaced.

I'm thinking of offering my own psychic prize to anyone who can prove they can communicate with the dead, or indeed stick metal objects to themselves, or move the pages of a telephone book.

Fortunately for me these kind of deals always exclude family members from entering.

It would also be a little ironic to pay my dearest prize money when I would have to fund the prize from my own allowance, which I get from my beloved.

This reminds me of the time she asked me how much allowance I had left, I think it was $20, to which she replies: 'Cool, now I have $40 to spend at The Warehouse”.

Okay, time to get serious. The TPPA. Hmmmm... I think I will stick my neck out here while I'm on a role and make another psychic prediction.

The TPPA will be good for the country, all the protests will die down, all the armchair Facebook warriors will quietly fade into the background of yet another bandwagon to join and criticise without researching the details; and the Government will still somehow be remembered as lying to us, misleading us, and in general making the poor poorer
and working to the detriment of the average Kiwi. If I'm wrong, I can always change the subject and say the wife read her tea leaves incorrectly. Relationship agreement, section 5, page 144, miscommunicated psychic events.