Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

What's black and white and read all over? So the trick question used to go.

The news, of course. That was back in the day when the news was, literally, black and white.

Nowadays the only news that is read all over is SunLive, but you all know that story because you all read it...to the tune of a million hits a week.

These days the news is multi-coloured and multi-dimensional.

Whether it's black and white, is up for debate, as recently the line has been blurred, leaving quite a few shades of grey.

We're not so bold as to suggest there might be fifty shades of grey, although that also is very topical at the moment. But it's clear the black and the white are getting pretty smudgy in the margins.

First up, we have fans of the late Michael Jackson, up in arms because a 'white” actor has been chosen to play the part of the 'black” singer. Which is fascinating, since Jackson seemed to be hell-bent during the course of his lifetime, to turning himself from black to white in a series of bizarre plastic surgery events. Even more perplexing is his hit song ‘Black or White' which, when you listen to the lyrics carefully enough (for those with nothing better to do) actually mirror the bizarre and tragic life of the troubled star.

All this comes hot on the heels of the Oscar nominations, when all hell broke loose because there were no black nominations.

Another case currently is the trouble the Labour Party is having, deciding whether the much maligned TPP is a good thing or a bad thing.

It seems across the Labour hierarchy that this is a grey area. Mr Little has gone pretty dark on the concept, but in the eyes of former leaders Moore and Clarke they are taking the lighter side of acceptance, in fact saying it will be good for NZ.

Seems the only ones with a beef about it are the habitual protesters who see everything as red.

Romance out of the box
If you've been battling your way through the last of the festive season treats, or revelling in the afterglow of Valentine's Day indulgences, you may have been in awe of the creative descriptions that come with a box of chocolate.

People who write these descriptions, and those who create greeting card verse, must live amazingly colourful lives. Most of us speak and think in fairly basic terms. 'The traffic was shite today. Backed up the wazoo from Elizabeth St and half way to the Mount.”

Not so, the Chocolate Box descriptive writers.

Because everyday occurrences in their lives must be so much more exquisitely detailed and impressive.

'Glistening automobiles, oozing tantalisingly along the liquorice carriageway, their steamy flustered passengers dreaming of the cooling Pacific surf dashed on sun-kissed sands.”

Even putting out the post-Christmas rubbish or feeding the cat must take on Mills and Boone proportions, for the Chocolate Box writer.

'Shredded memories lie in tatters, wrappings and sticky-tape with love and thoughtfulness, cast aside in the wild throes of festive exuberance. Piercing eyes and judgemental nuances exude from the furred one's gaze, telekinetic powers pry open the refrigerator door for a whiff of succulent sardine in jelly.”

Send us your best Chocolate Box author scripts for everyday occurrences, and we'll send the best ones…probably some boxes of chocolates!!

brian@thesun.co.nz

More tossers
Breaking news from the Olympic committee, Sex Implement Tossing has been accepted as an Olympic sport in the next games, following the sport's spectacular rise in popularity, particularly in the Southern Hemisphere.

Also being considered for inclusion is Blow Up Sheep trials, Undressage, and Naked Jelly Wrestling.

All those disciplines can be combined for the Sexathlon.

In addition, the guvmint has announced a new public holiday to replace Waitangi Day. It will be on the same day as daylight saving ends and called Appliance Appreciation Weekend. Remember to replace the batteries.

Former Prime Minister Helen Clarke, once reduced to tears at Waitangi, s wishes someone had thrown such a sex object at her during her time in office. She may have said: 'It's been a long time since I've seen one of those... Even a phoney one.”

Moronic headline
From the Herald, ‘If meat could talk, would you still eat it?'

What sort of idiot even feels the need to ask that question, let alone answer it?

Of course we would still eat it. But first, we'd ask its preference of sauces.

brian@thesun.co.nz