Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Greetings Sunners and welcome to another edition of the most-read, widest-circulating, best-tasting, locally-owned, low-carb, high energy, penguin-friendly newspaper in the Bay… and possibly the world.

Today we are pleased to not only bring you all the local news, but solutions to a wide range of problems that have been troubling you.

Starting with that vexing question that so many of you have asked: What's up with the phototactic behaviour of green algae? Good question, I'm glad you asked. Because scientists at Tokyo Institute of Technology and colleagues report that optical shielding by the eyespot pigments in Chlamydomonas reinhardtii, a unicellular green alga, determines the direction of their movement relative to light sources, and that the cell body behaves as a convex lens to focus and condense incident light. This is according to persistent reader Emiko Kawaguchi who tells me Chlamy, as its friends seem to call it, is a unicellular green alga that lives in fresh water throughout the world, and notably, the cells can change their swimming directions upon sensing light. Great to clear up that one. Thanks Emiko.

I know what you're thinking… what has this got to do with The Bachelor, Fleur and Naz?

Simple really. Chlamy, the swimming green algae, is a lot more entertaining.

One place you won't find any algae, is on Sam Meech's breeches. They've been smoked across the water at such a pace on sailboats that no life forms could possibly exist.

The local sailor has his Laser beam fixed firmly on the Olympics, now he joins other Tauranga legends in the team including sister Molly. Must be something in the water at Tauranga Yacht and Power Boat Club to keep producing world class sailors. Bring on Rio and Team Tauranga!

Another voracious reader, Linda, has the answer to squatters in the parks. One in particular, who has been camped up for a couple of months. 'To all those people who cannot afford to buy a property in Tauranga and for those who cannot find nor afford somewhere to rent, go camp in the park for free! It doesn't have toilets but that doesn't seem to matter and there is a bit of noise coming from the expressway.

But hey, you can camp there and feel safe as you get counsellors and police and even the odd city councillor calling by to see if you need anything. You don't have to pay for anything and defecating behind the bushes is actually helping the trees and bushes grow! Not too many places in NZ you can camp for free is there?”

Linda also pointed out that the woman on the TV news, leading a duck shooting protest, was named Dominique Mallard. We did not find this funny, Linda. We found it hilarious. However, it is wrong to make fun of people because of their names. Besides, she can't help being French.

Naked gardening

Tired of gardening in your clothes? Here's the answer… World Naked Gardening Day. Officially it was last weekend, but due to popular demand, we've extended it for the whole week. Feel free to strip off and get Frisky with the Freesias, or Starkers with the Stone fruit this weekend.

Always wanted to show your appreciation for nurses? This week is your chance, International Nurses Day and you can thank them. Surprise your favourite nurse with a bunch of flowers you picked while Naked Gardening. Don't be shy, they've seen it all before.

Tomorrow is International Chicken Dance Day. I will leave that to your imagination, but please avoid Chicken Dancing while Naked Gardening.

Many other worldly problems can be solved with this: Coming up on May 27 is Sticky Tape Day, otherwise known as Cellophane Tape Day. In NZ it's known by another brand name, but they get a bit funny when we mention it, so we will avoid that sticky situation. The real credit for this handy invention goes to banjo player Richard Drew, who worked for the Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Co, otherwise known as 3M. He invented Scotch Tape in 1921 and clear cellophane tape in 1930.

We can thank him for saving us from the torture of tying up Christmas presents with string.

Need some luck?

Today maybe Friday the 13th, but never fear, May 29 isn't far away and brings opportunity to change your fortunes, when the world marks Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day. This bizarre habit stems back to the days before invention of refrigerators in the 1920s, when people in Europe, and some loonies in the US, followed a ritual of putting cloth in their larder for good luck, once a year.

The event seems to have survived, reincarnated as a pillow on the fridge. This is possibly the most berserk waste of time I've heard of, but hey, if you're into grasping at straws to change your luck, knock yourselves out.

Finally the most bizarre World Day this week was Wednesday. It was ‘Stay Up All Night Night'. I went to bed and missed it.

brian@thesun.co.nz

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