Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Following our health theme from last week, we're keeping our readers safe and well with some extraordinary life-saving tips.

Last week we saved you from Macular Degeneration. This week we promise to take you step-by-step through removing your gall bladder at home. However, this procedure will have to wait, as there are some more pressing threats to your health for us to deal with.

In the news this week, the case of a gorilla shot dead, after a young boy snuck into the zoo enclosure. Zookeepers and onlookers feared for the life of the youngster, so the ape got a bullet.

There's a warning here for all of us. If a young person strays into your personal space, run. If you have a bullet-proof vest, we recommend putting it on. If you see any zookeepers, particularly ones with guns, stop swinging from the trees and lay on the ground spread-eagled.

Anyone contemplating going to a jungle-themed dress-up party would be wise to reconsider the gorilla outfit. Mind you, the lion costume probably isn't any safer, as long as the American dentist is still on the prowl.

Selfie killers

Also in the news this week, latest research concludes more people are now killed while taking selfies, than by sharks. Dang, you folk are in more danger from yourselves than the greatest predators in the ocean. The sharks are now just watching and laughing.

The self-harm selfie epidemic is claiming thousands of lives. Self-obsessed snappers are taking one too many steps back, and falling off cliffs. Leaning out a bit far from the sidewalk and being run over by buses. So busy framing themselves up with the train tracks/runway/race circuit, they're being smashed by locomotives/airplanes/speeding cars and horses. Or simply just failing to watch where they're going and being killed by just about anything moving in their path.

Some cities are even putting stop lights in the pavement, so the engrossed phone users, walking with their eyeballs transfixed to the screen are warned of dangers ahead.

Several people have died while photographing themselves with loaded guns pointed at their heads.

A pilot attempting to take happy snappies in his Cessna crashed, killing himself and passenger.

In some cases, the trains aren't even moving. A 14-year-old in India was atop a stationary wagon when he made contact with a 25,000 volt overhead wire. Witnesses say there was quite a flash with that photo. Seven youths drowned when they all stood up in a boat to get a group selfie.

Pamplona officials have outlawed selfies during the running of the bulls.

A French psychoanalyst reports many fatalities are caused when the selfie-taker loses touch with reality, falling into a sort of narcissistic black-out; rendering them unaware of the dangers around them.

Here at RR we recommend a simple course of action. Since selfies are killing more people than sharks, we suggest getting the shark to take the photo; since they're now short of something to do. You're welcome.

Working with dummies

If you happen to be a crash test dummy, there's some important news for you. I know certain members of my family are former crash test dummies. Some of them are yet to crash, so are still just plain dummies. Whatever, the message this week: You may be safer to ride in the front than the back. This week it was revealed more crash test dummies are to be deployed in the back seats of cars, because research there has literally taken a back seat, compared to driver and front passenger safety testing.

Car makers are being urged to make more use of airbags in the rear, improve seatbelts and put more focus on child restraint research.

Here at RR we'd like to see all crash test dummies banned from the driving position. Because it is our observation that they crash 100 per cent of the cars they drive. Take away their keys.

Meet Patty

Also in the headlines, and this is possibly my favourite story of the year, is that of 87-year-old Patty Ris, who nearly choked on her dinner in a retirement house in Ohio. This could well have been fatal, had she not been sitting next to…none other than 96-year-old Henry Heimlich, also a resident of the home and inventor of the Heimlich Manoeuvre to assist choke victims.

The Cincinnati Enquirer reports staff ran to help Patty, but the good doctor was already in manoeuvres. Apparently, he has demonstrated the life-saving method many times over the decades, but had never been in a situation to perform on a real choking victim until now. His technique was successful and the piece of hamburger was dislodged, saving Patty.

Our advice therefore is always ensure while dining, you have invited Henry Heimlich.

If Henry is not available, you'll have to revert to the procedure I invented in 1982, the Heineken Manoeuvre. It may not wash down the obstruction, but at least you'll go out with a beer in your hand.