Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Here at RR headquarters we're in the dark, depressing depths of winter. Noses are running in the newsroom, coughs are barking and we've nearly bought the corner store out of lemons, honey and tissues. But colds aren't the only hazards this winter. Here's a blast from the past on what other dangers lay waiting in the doldrums.

Back in the steamy days of summer, we warned you of the hazards lurking around the house. So many in fact, a great number of you were too paranoid to ever leave the safety of your bed. Danger lurked at every corner of the house and garden.

Now summer and its threats of sunburn, maiming by barbecue, killer insects and water sports mishaps are just a distant memory, but you're still not out of the woods. Winter has descended, and brought with it a number of its very own threats, including the woods. And it seems, even getting out of bed and into your slippers is fraught with risk.

In the past ACC has released a list of bizarre disasters that have nailed unsuspecting New Zealanders during winter. And the RR team thought it was timely to run through them again – as the slippery slopes

You may have to take an ice pick to chip your Sun delivery person free of the icicles hanging from your mailbox so they can finish their rounds.

Meanwhile, take heed of the winter traps that have befallen other Kiwis:

Soup-related injuries include burned mouths from sipping hot soup, cut fingers from chopping up the ingredients, strains from lifting heavy soup pots and injured feet from dropped cans of soup.

There were also falls on spilled soup, and skin burns caused by blender splash-back.

Pulling on the slippers on a cold morning resulted in back sprains for a number of Kiwis, while others were injured when they fell putting their slippers on.

Claimants also attributed accidents to wearing slippers that were too big, and others tripped over slippers left lying around.

Not surprising, slippery ice brought a number to their knees between June and August last year, while others sustained sprains shovelling show.

Umbrella-related injuries were relatively few, with a small number of people ‘spiked' while opening or closing their brollie and others injured running into or tripping over umbrella stands.

Heaters and firewood were associated with a much greater number of injuries. Kiwis burned almost every conceivable body part on heaters, with injuries occurring when people lifted, tripped over, ‘backed into', sat on and fell asleep or dried themselves in front of heaters.

Firewood played a predictable role in injuries, such as burns sustained while putting wood into the fire, cuts and grazes while chopping wood and sprains resulting from gathering and lifting firewood.

Here at RR headquarters, we have identified a number of other hazards that have come to public attention. The French rugby team know well the dangers that lurk in hotel rooms, as French centre MathieuBastareaud can tell you.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you've fallen inebriated on the furniture or been bashed up in the street. He won't be allowed to forget that in a hurry.

Other injuries likely to befall the French include bruising and strains among the coaching hierarchy, judging from the amount of desk-thumping going on in the coach's box during the last test against the All Blacks.

In other news, pregnancy belts are the latest idea offering men a notion of what it's like to be ‘with child'.

This concept opens up a whole new range of possibilities for simulating real life situations.

Here's a range of simulator gear under development at RR Research and Development:

The obesity belt: Just like a diving weight belt, you can feel what it's like to be Gerry Brownlee, Rosanne Barr or Queen Latifah for a day. Not recommended for swimming.

Suddenly, you can become morbidly obese and enjoy the side effects an extra 40 or 60kg can bring to your lifestyle. No responsibility accepted for damage to your car suspension, or failure of the Lazyboy chair functions.

The stupidity hat: Slip on our stupidity head gear and instantly lose about 75IQ. Live the dream, know how it feels to be Sue Bradford, The Man in the Fridge Who Turns the Light On, or the Mad Butcher. Combine with our patented, auto-eurotic asphyxiation strangulation feature, and you'll die happily in a state of completely ignorant but sensual bliss.

The Racist Dickhead Mask: Looks just like your favourite activist. Includes one eye patch for that unique, one-eyed attitude to everything. Live like a real racist, a completely biased and commonsense deprived-citizen in the comfort of your own home.

The Elitist Capitalist Prick Outfit: includes pin stripe suit and house in Remuera, complete with choice of cars (as long as it's a Volvo). Experience the joy of extreme wealth and arrogance. NB: Not available south of the Bombays.

The Mother-In-Law Simulator: Know what it's like to be Mother Superior. Includes training in lecturing and subtle put downs. Finally understand why you'll never be quite good enough for her daughter.

The Anorexia Simulator: Helium balloons that attach to your body to give you that feeling of weightlessness and air-headedness. Live like a supermodel for a day!

Discover the thrill of being blown away by a moderate sea breeze and the sensation of weighing less than the average labrador. DO NOT operate in winds in excess of 20 knots, unless you wish to combine this experience with our 'Chatham Islands Getaway” deal.

brian@thesun.co.nz