Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Or so the saying goes, in the water treatment industry.

The excrement has really hit the fan in Havelock North, where the community is finding out the hard way that it doesn't pay to skimp on the basics.

Water, roads, rubbish are the fundamentals that local authorities should be focused on getting 110 per cent right. The rest of the fancy nice-to-have luxuries mean nothing if half of the population is suffering the Down Under Thunder or doing the technicolour yawn. Calling for Ralph on the big white telephone. Driving the porcelain bus.

It's a shocking situation for a community to end up in. But let me tell you why we are lucky in the Western Bay and unlikely to experience the same disaster here.

Step into the RR Time Machine and make yourself comfortable.

Pfftang! (Or whatever noise Time Machines make).

It is now 1995. Tauranga's water supply treatment plants are more-or-less stuffed. It is decided to upgrade with the latest technology, microfiltration at a cost of $20m. This is whittled to $16m thanks largely to the detailed investigation and world-leading consultant advice.

The so-called Water Action Group runs an anti-campaign for a much cheaper and inferior product, which could not remove all the nasties, particularly cryptospyridium and giardia. One headline in local media read: ‘Three for the price of one says WAG'.

The inference is ‘Council is scaremongering' to get the gold-plated version.

This in the face of overwhelming evidence that when, not if, the water supply is contaminated the community will be stricken. Some of NZ has been at risk for a while.

But not Tauranga.

So for a few years we had the best water processing system in the Southern Hemisphere until others caught up. Some of those elected members who put their tails on the line over this were not re-elected in 1999, due to continuing ignorance from sectors of the community who should have known better.

By the way, Hamilton put in the inferior system and had to upgrade it about 10 years ago at a cost of about $50m.

Pfftang! Fast-forward a couple of decades, back to today. As we enjoy affordable, quality water and follow the fallout from the Havelock North episode, let's be aware of any Government moves to seize the opportunity to privatise water supply…in order to tax water just like the rort the electricity supply system has turned into. But all in our best interests, of course!

Doom and gloom

Speaking of disaster, an Aussie father and son have been rescued this week after they got lost trying to visit Mount Doom, near Tongariro. Now you'd think that after the rugby result in the weekend, Aussies would be extra cautious about tackling anything in New Zealand beyond their league. But especially something as ominously named as Mount Doom. Fortunately, they were saved with the help of a rescue helicopter and night vision goggles.

Let that be a lesson to any of you fancying yourselves as mountaineers, and beware of the warning labels that come with the terrain. A few years ago we pointed out the pitfalls with Mt Misery, Mt Difficulty and Mt Despair.

A few others around the world that we reckon you should avoid:

Alaska's Suicide and Homicide Peaks.

Cloudripper in the Inconsolable Range. Mount Terror. Chopping Block. The Bandersnatch.

Antarctica has the Apocalypse Peaks, and Port Circumcision.

There's a whole range of mountains in Australia with smutty names involving various parts of the human anatomy, which we won't stoop to repeat here, but you can imagine…they're named by Aussies.

Say no more.

Scratchy Bottom is a valley in Dorset. In fact, the English have some of the most whacko names on the planet. Catbrain. Bell End. We could write a book. In fact, there are several.

Towns to avoid would include Bitchfield (Lincolnshire, England) and Boring, (Oregon, Maryland and Tennessee). Bastardtown in Ireland. Nether Wallop (Hampshire).

Shades of Death Road (New Jersey) and Dead Woman Crossing (Oklahoma) are both apparently haunted.

Please don't go down the Gorge of Despair. Disappointment Islands, in French Polynesia unsurprisingly aren't fit for human habitation.

You may well enter Fucking in Austria without knowing it; because its sign keeps disappearing. (Rhymes with ‘booking', you sniggering smart Alecs).

Batman is a city in Turkey. Its mayor threatened to sue Warner Bros for using the name in films ‘Batman Begins' and ‘The Dark Knight'.

Sounds more inviting: Mollie's Nipple. Coolville (Ohio).

Beer, a village in Devon. Upton Snodsbury. Matching Tye. Great Snoring.

And finally, here's one to end with. In the USA town of Coxsackie, there's a hamlet named Climax. Happy travels!

brian@thesun.co.nz

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